Struggle

The last day or so I have been struggling with where I fit in this office. Where I stack up against the other 2 grad students under my major professor. The reality is that I have been found lacking. The last 24 hours has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster of realization, sometimes I'm more positive than others. However, I think I've talked about it enough to come to terms with it for now. I hate feeling like the incapable understudy. Like some sort of piece of crap who gets the stupid stuff that no one else wants to do. Part of that is just the inevitable of being the lowman on the totem pole. I get that. But, one of the guys who will be starting in the fall will jump up above me. Which isn't right. It is what it is.

But then, I read a note written by a high school friend, Christ Chesnutt. It ended with this:

"Those who experience more rejection are also those most likely to find success, as they explore the most opportunities."

So if you are like me and have experienced - or are currently experiencing - the pain of rejection, do not give up. "Our greatest glory," someone once said, "lies not in our never falling, but in our rising every time that we fall." So persevere. Keep at it. Keep your head up, and keep moving forward. Maintain a positive attitude. And whatever happens, be overwhelmingly thankful that God loves you unconditionally to the point of the cross and that you don't have to be beautiful enough, intelligent enough, athletic enough, successful enough, or even perfect enough to be accepted by Him! It may require you to endure an entire lifetime of trial and struggle, but you will eventually succeed. And remember that when God closes one door, the next door He opens up may very well be exceedingly better than the one He closes.



God is good. I don't know why I've taken this week so harshly, but I have. I'm sure he has reasons. He always does. Pride is theoretically not a good attribute. This series of discussions crushed my pride. or my confidence. I'm not sure which; maybe both. maybe they aren't mutually exclusive? Maybe that was the lesson.

In any event, I keep trying to remind myself that:
All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

I'll get back to my positive posts... tomorrow.